Carey On... Thin-Skinned Redskins
We have to find a new name for our school team here in Owosso. Word has thundered down from above. The State Board of Education “‘strongly recommends’ that school districts around the state discontinue use of American Indian logos and nicknames.”
Our team name isn’t Indian, but certainly “the Trojans” must insult somebody, right? I wouldn’t want to offend a person from the Mediterranean region. There are still Romans around, and Greeks and Macedonians. Better confront MSU on that Spartan thing.
We have to find a name without an ethnic taint. After all, our wise State Board of Ed has “urged school districts to change those nicknames or logos to something less offensive.”
Offensive? Since when is naming yourself after someone an insult? I named my daughter after my grandmother, whom I adored. Silly me, I thought it was a tribute. When my grandmother died, her church group renamed itself the Lydia Circle. What a terrible offense! What a shock for all the juniors, seconds and thirds out there, to discover they’ve soiled the names of honored ancestors.
When did it become an offense that a whole school district, filled with youth working to better themselves, wants to name itself after you? The “Owosso Dianes” . . . the “Carey On Club” . . . actually, I like that! Anybody who dislikes me---go ahead. Insult away. Name something after me.
Are American Indians really this thin-skinned?
Sorry---thin-red-skinned? Yes, I know it’s racist to say that. Maybe the State Board of Ed is just trying to heed the Supreme Court’s decision that we must become racists in order to have “diversity.” Maybe the real problem isn’t whether the team names offend American Indians, but whether there are enough teams named after other ethnic groups to create diversity? Maybe “Trojans” is okay, but we also need the Laingsburg Judeos, the Henderson Laplanders, or the New Lothrop Eskimos.
A similar resolution in 1989 by the Civil Rights Commission caused Eastern Michigan University to change its nickname from “the Hurons” to the “Eagles.” The Huron Indians were horribly slaughtered by other tribes and are almost forgotten today. Now they’re going to be even more forgotten.
Why stop? Let’s completely erase them, once and for all. Let’s change Lake Huron to Lake Eagle.
But hold on . . . the eagle is the most sacred symbol of the American Indian. It is the great thunderbird, symbol of everlasting happiness. Its feathers are so sacred that it’s a crime even pick a naturally shed feather off the ground.
Leaves out the Owosso Feathers, doesn’t it?
After all, we’re not just ducking proper names of tribes or nicknames like “Chiefs,” “Redskins,” or “Warriors,” but also any referent to Indian culture. We can’t have “Owosso Buffalos” or the “Owosso Bears” either. Since the American Indians held every local animal in mystical regard, we’ve got to get down to earthworms before we leave the realm of the sacred.
“The Owosso Earthworms.” Has a ring, doesn’t it?
According to Sue Kreiger, director of communications for the Grand Rapids City School District, their district wants to change its nickname, the Indians, to “something more reflective of the community.”
We have to divine what “kinds” of people are in our communities? That’s a whole new ball game. How about the Detroit Homeboys, the Hamtramck Accordions, the Newberry Yoops, or the East Lansing Dinks (dual income/no kids)? Looks like we need “the Owosso Whitebreads.”
No, we need something that blankets all colors, but doesn’t “offend” anyone. The “Owosso Peacocks.” I just know we’re getting close.
Of course, the name “Owosso” itself is a tribute to an Indian heritage. So is “Shiawassee.”
And Genessee, and Pontiac, and Tawas---
Wait! So is “Michigan”! If we keep this up, we can completely banish the use of Indian words from our state. There’ll be no trace left of our Indian heritage.
Nice tribute, isn’t it?
We might have to settle for the ”Owosso 989’s.” Or will the phone company will take offense?